Just to meet you for a couple of days ...

Hello Mithi Mamma,

I am just back from Kolkata after meeting with you after what felt like an eternity ... in reality I had been away from you for just a fortnight. But anyways the long and short of it is ... I managed to plan a very unwise and long travel plan to get to you last weekend ... I could have done better and spent more time with you ... but this was one of those times when I couldn't think straight and prioritize well.

Not sure if you realized that I was there, but I realized that I could have been there for few more hours each way ... and I am sorry I missed more time with you.

But the fact is I could be there to celebrate your 1 month birthday (a couple of days later though) ... we cut a cake for you ... and had it ourselves, because lets face it ... all you can have now is your Maa's milk :)

Everyone was saying how time flies... and it is so true ... when we got you home, you could fit from head to toe between my palm and the inside of my elbow and now your feet reached my chest and could push hard. You're growing up. A realization that would startling me from time to time as you and I share our lives together.

I got some nice pics of you too ... and the dream photo I always wanted. The one where your feet are inside your Maa's hands which are held in the shape of a heart. I call it "Step into my heart" ... Hope you like it too :)

This little visit was grossly deprived of sleep though. You usually wake up around 3-4 times in the night as that's how often you get hungry. So ideally the plan is to sleep during the intervals. But I don't know why I could sleep all 3 nights after I woke up with you the first time. I stayed up all night just looking at you sleep, and sometimes make all kinds of sounds, expressions, lift up your leg, throw your arms up, maybe smile a little .... it was just amazing ... my heavy eyes told me I should sleep, but I just couldn't as I didn't want to miss out on the little time I had with you. You are so amazing ... when you sleep, and more so when you are awake and look around trying to make sense of the world around you.

I didn't think that you recognized me much yet, and was feeling a little low about that ... I guess I was a little jealous of your Maa as you know her so well ... her voice, her touch and of course her smell. Although I do manage to stop you from crying every time, you didn't seem to recognize me and scientifically I shouldn't expect it too ... but love isn't always rational. But then something amazing happened .. Sunday morning just before your bath time, you were on the bed and I was talking to you as usual ... then I just got up and went to the window to adjust the curtains ... and your gaze followed me to the window and back ... that was the moment I realized that you do recognize me ... I was on top of the world!!!!!!!! You made the completely convoluted trip through Delhi and the complete sleep deprivation all worth it. Thank you Mamma ...

Love you

Baba

P.S. Some more pictures from this trip in a collage ...

You're a about month old

My Dearest MithiMamma,

Well ... that's what I call you now ... and I am sure we will go through a series of unexplained and slightly "cuckoo" name callings to each-other in the life that we share ... which started just about a month before today.

Seems like yesterday when I was standing outside the operation theatre since 8:00 in the morning with your Ripi (Ria Pishi) while your grand parents waited in our room no 827 on the 8th floor of AMRI hospital in Salt Lake ... you will know this place as this is where we would go sometimes to visit Phoolpishi (she was the one who took you our of your Maa and showed you the light of the world ... but you would already know this when you read this) and Ranjan pishomoshai (I am guessing you'd figure out a shorter name for him ... lets face it Ranjan Pishomoshai is REALLY LOOOONG). Anyways I am digressing ... lets get back to outside the OT. As your Maa was taken in, she was slightly scared for some reasons, one of which was the fact that she wouldn't be under general anesthesia she would be awake while they cut her open to bring you out. I shouldn't be commenting on this as I went through none of it ... but I was told she won't feel a thing and they'd have a sheet in front of her so that she doesn't see what's going on. The only reassurance we all had is that my Phooldi, your Phoolpishi, would be there and she wouldn't let anything happen to your Maa. The other reason she was scared, was what happened a year ago ... we lost your brother "Ahaan", while he was still inside your Maa. We were so close to seeing him, holding him and welcoming him just as we welcomed you. But just at the last moment, he was gone ... he didn't see this world, didn't see your Maa or me ... but spent some time inside your Maa ... a full 37 weeks and then was gone. Someday I will tell you about him ... but not today at least I wont get into details. A month and a half from then we lost your Dadu, my Baba ... who was so looking forward to seeing his grandchild and came so close to seeing one ... but missed.

I should tell you, I had a wonderful and loving father ... I really wanted you to meet him ... you'd have liked him a lot. He knew so many stories, he could make stories on the fly and would keep me mesmerized through my childhood. You can ask your Titlididi about her Dolphin Dadu (as she called him) ... she did spend sometime with him and from what I saw, she really liked him. He had a heart of gold ... he was a man of various tastes and skills. He was an amazing sportsman in his childhood, he was a wonderful musician in his youth, he never studied much, but when he chose to do so he completed his PhD and was a wonderful scientist ... just being from a poor family stalled his career midway ... but he didn't get bogged down ... he became a teacher and a very passionate one at that. After his retirement he started writing poetry and wrote his last from the hospital bed that he didn't come back from. In short, just being around him I learnt so much ... did I mention I learnt photography, swimming, and even maintaining rhythm from him? I hope I can be half as good a father to you. I promise I will try my best to live up to the standards that my father set for me and that is because I had the best father and you deserve the same if not better. So this is my first promise to you ... I will be a father to you that you'd be proud of when you grow up. We might have our differences, but I promise you that I will give it my best so that when you describe your father to your children you'd have good things to say :-)

Now my princess, I would digress to another bit before I get to the Operation theatre once again. Here I have to tell you about my Maa, your Thamma ...  the bravest woman I know. She has all through held on to the reigns of the family, managing everything well with the right mix of flamboyance and frugality ... she has always been thoughtful about how she brought me up and how she took care of your Dadu and the extended family. She made sacrifices and was prudent enough to make sure that the family remained together despite the hardships and sometimes misbehaviours she fad to face ... and all these with a blood clot in her head that she has had for 34 years now. Most people with her condition would be bed-ridden, but not her. She has completed a successful education ending in a PhD and then a successful career as a scientist and then a teacher (just like your Dadu and her childhood love - My Baba) retiring a couple of years ago. BTW she has her birthday in the same month as yours ... you both might just be a lot alike. She was missing her life partner, just like I was missing my Baba as your entry to the world was something he was really looking forward to and we were the two people who knew how much so.

Anyways I didn't mean to start my first communication to you on such a grim note, but that is what we all were feeling at the time. While we were absolutely thrilled with the anticipation of you coming ... we were missing dear ones and couldn't keep the recent bad times out of our minds completely. But there we were, holding on to a little shimmer of hope ... a child growing inside your mother ... as the first hope of a turn around in what has been a really tough time for all of us.

While all these thoughts were zipping through my mind, standing outside the Operation theatre ... I heard a distant but compellingly clear cry of a little baby ... I looked at Ria, and then the security guard who was standing near us ... and neither of them seemed to have heard it. But I was sure I did ... my heart skipped a beat ... just like when I knew I loved your mother and wanted to share my life with her ... it was like falling in love again ... I told myself ... "My daughter is here". We are not allowed to know if the baby is a boy or a girl till the baby is born and so we didn't know for sure, and you were still inside the OT, but I knew, I had you ... My Daughter.

We waited a little while more and Ranjanda came out and said ... "Eshe gechhe" ... and some more moments later ... as my heart pounded loudly in anticipation ... the pediatrician Dr. Dutta came and said "Gurguri ke ke dekhbe?" I didn't speak, Ranjanda said ... her father is here ... and then they brought you out on what looked  like the OT equivalent of a crib. There you were wide awake, and visibly a little disturbed from being out from inside your mother, your home for the last 36 weeks and a couple of days. You didn't look directly at me or anyone there ... no dramatic union story there ... but you were not scared, like I had imagined you'd be at seeing the bright light of the world. You were quiet ... wide eyed and with unclasped hands ... very unusual for a new born. I saw you ... so tiny, so red and ready for the world. My daughter ... a new person ... built from scratch from me and your Maa. It was amazing ... it was the best day of my life.

I ran up to the 8th floor ... your Grandparents were waiting ... I broke the news ... they were doubly happy to have a granddaughter. Everyone had a twinkle in their eyes ... everyone heaved a sigh of relief. No one said it out loud, but I could read in each one's expression ... a confidence in the ray of hope ... "Now everything will be fine". She is here ... the princess of the family. Everyone came down to see you in the nursery and I was pulled off to fill some forms ... hated the idea of forms at the time as all I wanted was to run to see you again. But on the form there were places where I had to write "Father of the baby" ... Loved it. I was a father and that too of a beautiful daughter.

Finished the forms, sent messages to everyone who I knew ... wanted to shout from the roof-tops ... "I am a father now and I have the most wonderful daughter in the world!!"

I ran up to the fourth floor ... this day I was so excited, I didn't take the lift at all (even to the 8th floor), waiting for the lift seemed like such a waste of time. Everyone was busy admiring you and you looked at everyone and your hands were still unclasped ... you seemed ready to take on anything. Just then they rolled out your Maa to the post-operative care room ... as she was being shifted to the hospital bed, she looked at me, tired and sleepy from the anesthesia, and said - "Dekhle?" ... I said "Dekhlam ... she is beautiful ... amader meye re!" ... As I bent down and kissed her forehead, she said to me - "I kissed her" ... I was happy and admittedly a bit jealous that she got to kiss you first. But then again, as she is the one who carried you for the last 9 months, she kind of has the right to be first :-)

You will find out as you grow up ... you have a wonderful mother.











Welcome to our world princess ... Love you.

Baba